


Left Out

by deletedsystem32



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Blood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Reader Self-Harms, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Shironeki | White-haired Kaneki, depressed!reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-09-14 16:52:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9194243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deletedsystem32/pseuds/deletedsystem32
Summary: You, Kaneki, and Hide have been friends since grade school. When Kaneki disappears and Hide joins the CCG, you find yourself growing farther and farther apart from them. School becomes increasingly stressful, and you reach your breaking point. After you're released from the psych ward, Kaneki makes his appearance - only to find you with a blade in your hand, ready to die.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Two things:  
> 1\. It should be noted that I made a few small exceptions to canon to make this story work. Nothing too big, but I didn’t want to look like an idiot who just blatantly disregards canon facts with no explanation whatsoever.  
> 2\. This is going to be a two-shot. The second chapter is almost completely written, so be on the lookout!  
> And with that, enjoy!
> 
> ADDITIONAL NOTE: AO3 was being weird and posted this like seven times, and when I went to delete the extra copies it was weird AGAIN and deleted ALL OF THEM.  
> SO HERE'S THIS FIC. AGAIN.

You, Kaneki, and Hide had been friends since grade school. Granted, you had come into the picture a bit later—on the last year of it. You all grew up and went to Kamii University together; Kaneki and Hide had been lucky enough to get several classes together, while the only time you really got to see them was lunch.

You couldn't help but feel left out.

A while back, both you and Hide had noticed a change in Kaneki after a week-long absence from University: he hadn't been eating and looked pale and sickly, and had started to wear an eyepatch.

Hide seemed to know something you didn't.

You had thought of confronting him about it, but felt that you had been drifting apart from the two best friends. You didn't feel comfortable hounding Hide for personal information on Kaneki's life when you yourself were suffering from severe depression, anxiety, and type II Bipolar Disorder.

Then, one day, Kaneki disappeared altogether.

He had been gone for over six months, and in that time, you and Hide had grown even farther apart. He had gotten a job with the CCG and told you he was almost constantly busy. You thought that was strange, because as far as you knew, he was just an errand boy.

You convinced yourself that he was making excuses so he didn't have to hang out with you.

School became increasingly stressful, the work piling up because of your lack of energy and motivation to do it. You didn't see the point: why would you even bother when you weren't going to get anywhere in life, anyway? You had considered dropping out several times, but decided against it for reasons even _you_ didn't know.

You missed classes more and more frequently and barely did any work, subconsciously hoping that you would just be kicked out of the University. You missed meals, too. You stopped eating breakfast and lunch, just nibbling on a little bit of whatever was around for dinner.

Your health was deteriorating quickly.

Your depression grew worse, and you had developed anxiety from all the schoolwork that sat on the desk in the corner of your apartment, mocking you. You hated yourself for it. Eventually, you couldn't be bothered to go to your classes at all. You hid the textbooks and overdue assignments underneath your desk. Hating yourself, you tried to be more comfortable with yourself by lowering your weight—eventually developing an eating disorder. As you continually starved yourself, you grew weaker from the lack of nutrition and ended up passing out in the middle of the sidewalk—ironically—on your way to the supermarket.

You were hospitalized in the psych ward when the doctor learned of your mental state.

You spent over two months there, not seeing the point in even trying to get better. You spat out your prescribed medication when you had the chance, deciding to just fake your way out. You started eating again, but only because you had to. You ate the bare minimum to please the doctors there.

You were released two months after you were admitted.

* * *

You stepped into your neglected apartment, tossing your pills in the trashcan when you stopped in the bathroom to weigh yourself—all the eating in the hospital couldn't have done you any good. The scale read 127 lbs. Your shoulders slumped in disappointment. At 5' 2", you were technically in the "healthy" weight range.

You saw it as the "fat" weight range.

You left the bathroom and made your way to the kitchen. The clock read 10:00 PM as you entered your small living room, slumping down on the couch and picking your cellphone up off the end table, pulling the charger out so you could check your messages more easily.

There were over 70 missed texts and calls combined. You decided to listen to the voicemails first:

About nine calls and three voicemails from Kamii University's Guidance Office, reassuring you that they would work with you and give you extensions and whatever else you needed, and wishes from them to you—"Get well soon!"

_Delete._

Several voicemails from your insurance agency, informing you of bills and such.

_Delete._

Several more from various friends and well-wishers. You didn't even bother listening to them.

_Delete._

But then, one caught your attention:

_"Hey, _____! It's Hide! Sorry about, well, ignoring you these past few weeks. I've been really busy with work and school and all that, but that's not an excuse. I really do feel bad about that. Anyway, I heard about your hospitalization, and I just wanted to wish you a speedy recovery. I hope you get out soon. Rabbits die of loneliness, you know!_

Your eyes were wide with surprise. You listened to the next message.

 _"_____! You'll never believe this! Kaneki's back! He dropped by my apartment, and we talked for a bit and he asked about you. I explained your situation to him—I hope you don't mind. He was very understanding, though! Get out soon, man! He's—_ We're _really excited to see you again!"_

You almost dropped your phone, but held on to it to listen to the next one… from _Kaneki._

_"_____. I saw you leaving the hospital. Is it okay if I come over? I want to talk. It'd be just me. Hide's passed out in his apartment from staying up all night watching his stupid horror movies. I'll talk to you soon, I hope."_

And that was the last voicemail.

He sounded… _different._ If you didn't know him so well, his voice probably would have sounded completely monotone. You could hear the humor in his voice when he called Hide's cheap horror movies "stupid", though. It sounded like they had been having fun, though you couldn't help but note that it had been without _you. Why am I so selfish?_ you thought. _They're allowed to have fun without me. After all, I'm so depressed, I might as well be a corpse_ _…_

You sat there and thought about what to do. You were still _so_ depressed and _so_ anxious and you just absolutely _despised_ yourself. You were convinced that both Hide and Kaneki only "wanted" to hang out because they felt bad that you had been in the hospital for two months. You _knew_ that they were only offering to hang out because they felt obligated to.

 _What are friends for?_ you thought sarcastically.

You decided that you couldn't face Kaneki—not yet. That you couldn't face Hide. That you couldn't continue with school or go on to get a job or do _anything._

You walked to your bedroom and took out your single-edged razor blade from your nightstand, sighing deeply. You gazed at it with a sense of nostalgia. It had been so long since you used it.

You decided to indulge yourself for a bit. You had yet to call or text Kaneki back, so he wouldn't be showing up any time soon.

Not having the energy to walk all the way up to your front door to lock it, you just locked your bedroom door, just in case.

You sat down and stared at your old scars, contemplating where to put the new ones. You decided on your forearm; the scars there were almost completely faded. You angled the blade so the corner was to your skin, with the sharp part facing away from your arm—you had always hated the slicing feeling, preferring a more jagged, tearing one.

You took a deep breath in, then exhaled, dragging the corner of the blade across your skin, relishing the pain and the temporary relief from your depression it brought. You did this several more times on each arm, the blood slowly making its way down your forearm, to your wrist, to your hand. You grabbed several tissues from the box you kept on your nightstand and blotted up the dripping red liquid.

As you did, the lifted depression came crashing back down, and you choked back a sob. That was when you heard it: the knock on your door.

"_____?" Kaneki called, knocking again.

 _Maybe if I just don't answer it, he'll go away,_ you thought.

You pulled the hood of your sweatshirt up over your head and brought your knees to your chest, moving so your back was against the headboard. You didn't bother rolling down your sleeves or cleaning up the bloody tissues. _It's not like he'll just barge in._

He knocked again.

"I know you're in there. Your car is parked outside."

 _Shit…_ you thought. _No, no. It's fine. Just keep quiet, and he'll go away._

"The door's unlocked. I'm coming in, _____."

You heard the door open and shut, then his footsteps as he walked in, calling your name. To your dismay, he headed straight for the bedroom.

_It's okay, it's okay, the door's locked, he can't get in, it's okay._

Heart pounding, you buried your head in your knees, tightening your arms around your legs, and trying your best to hold back more sobs. You failed.

Kaneki knocked on the bedroom door.

"_____? Are you okay?"

The fact that he had heard you only made you cry harder. Tears flowed freely down your cheeks now; you didn't bother trying to not make any noise. In the back of your mind, it vaguely registered that you were still holding your blood-stained blade, but you couldn't bring yourself to care.

"_____?! Let me in. I-"

"Go _AWAY!"_ you screeched. You couldn't help it. Kaneki was the last person you wanted to see. _He disappears for fucking_ months _, and then thinks he has the_ right _to just_ show up _at my doorstep?!_

"Let me in, _now,_ _____. I need to make sure you're okay."

"Does it _sound_ like I'm okay?! You disappeared for how many goddamn months, and now you think you have the right to just show up here? What the fuck, Kaneki?!"

"That was beyond my control. Now _let me in."_

There was no way that this was the actual Kaneki. Sure, he had Kaneki's _voice,_ but Kaneki had more _feeling_ in his tone. Plus, Kaneki would never just _walk in_ to your house and he would never sound so damn _threatening._ There was no way you were letting him in.

You could hear "Kaneki" sigh on the other side of the door.

"You leave me no choice, _____. Don't worry, though: I'll pay for the door."

_Wh-_

You screamed and brought your arms up to protect your face as the door was kicked in. You peaked out from behind your arms, and saw a man who just _couldn't_ be Kaneki. If it was, then his appearance was drastically different. He wore a black t-shirt with a hoodie and jeans of the same color. His hair was white, his nails were black, and he just didn't _feel_ like Kaneki, even though he wore Kaneki's eyepatch.

You did _not_ want him in your room.

He surveyed the room briefly, his expression morphing into shock when he saw the bloodstained tissues and the blade you were holding. That quickly morphed into rage—rage that you assumed was directed at you for doing this to yourself.

He started to walk towards you; his nose was buried in the crook of his elbow for some reason; it looked like he was trying to block out a smell. You didn't care. You released your legs and scrambled to the other side of the bed. You held the sharp end of the blade vertically against your wrist, threatening yourself in an attempt to make him go away.

"Don't come any closer! I swear to fucking god, I'll-"

He didn't go away. Your actions had the opposite effect: he moved even faster. In the blink of an eye—quite literally—the blade was out of your hand. He grabbed your wrist. You didn't care why, you just didn't want him touching you. You lashed out with your other arm, your eyes squeezed shut. You unintentionally ripped the eyepatch off of his face. You didn't care about that either. You tried to push him away, but he caught your arm in his other hand. You struggled, but he held your wrists with inhuman strength.

You tried to kick, but you found that he had straddled your legs, effectively pinning you down. He kept telling you to calm down and kept reassuring you that he wouldn't hurt you, that he just didn't want you to hurt yourself anymore. You knew then that this _was_ the actual Kaneki.

You opened your eyes, though you were fearful of his angry expression from before. You weren't expecting what you saw.

You froze, resisting the urge to scream.

Kaneki's left eye was that of a Ghoul's—a deep black sclera and pupil with a hellish red iris and veins that extended from the pupil all the way to the area of his face around the outside of the eye.

He saw that _you_ had seen, and looked away in shame. He didn't want you to find out like this. You found the nerve to speak.

"K-Kaneki?"

He looked back at you with a weak smile, slowly letting go of your hands and getting off of your legs; you felt like that eye was staring straight into your soul.

"I'm sorry you had to find out like this, _____." he said, getting up to retrieve his eyepatch from the floor and putting it on. "Hide already knew, and I was planning on telling you, but I hoped it would be… under better circumstances. I’m a half-Ghoul."

 _So_ that's _why he was covering his nose: the smell of the blood…_

You had an idea. A stupid one that you knew wouldn’t work, but an idea nonetheless.

"Kill me," you said, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I'm sorry?" he replied, turning and looking at you with his human eye like you had just grown a second head.

"You heard me, Ken. Kill me."

"I'm not going to kill you! Why would you even say that?"

"I bet you're already a murderer, so what's one more on the pile? I'm half dead anyway; I think about suicide almost every day. Look at me, Kaneki! I'm a fucking mess!" you shouted. "Do you know why I was admitted to the hospital? I _passed out on the fucking street_ because I hadn't been eating because I'm so damn depressed and hate myself so much that I _starved_ myself! I hate myself, school is stressing me out like nothing else, and _I don't have anyone to lean on._ You and Hide pretty much _abandoned_ me. I don't know where the hell _you_ went, but Hide just claimed he was busy! Do you have any idea how alone I've felt?! And I know your real reason for coming here: you— _both_ of you—are just _sorry_ for me because I've been in a fucking _mental ward_ for the past two months! You two were the only friends I've ever had, and now you just feel _obligated_ to be anywhere fucking _near_ me because I'm insane! So just. _fucking_. KILL ME!"

You were sobbing now, and Kaneki's heart was breaking. He had had no idea how badly you had been hurting. Your shoulders heaved with each sob as you brought your knees up to your chest again and turned away from him. He remained silent as he walked over and sat down beside you on the bed.

You wanted to leave—to just get off of your bed and walk away. You knew he wouldn't kill you, so you wanted to do it yourself. He wouldn't let you do that either, once he found out what you were planning.

Kaneki wrapped his arms around you in a hug, pulling you close. You tried to struggle, but crying so hard had sapped most of your energy, and the half-Ghoul was just too strong. You gave up, but you still refused to lean against him. He spoke softly.

"_____, I am so, _so_ sorry that you're going through all of this. And I'm sorry that I wasn't there to help you—the circumstances surrounding my disappearance really were out of my control. Hide was actually busy, too: he was trying to track me down and figure out what was going on, and he told me how badly he feels that he wasn't there for you, either. But I promise you that we'll all stick together, now. We'll all be there to help you, and to help each other," he said. He let out a dry laugh. "And, just for the record, I'm not exactly sane, myself. Some stuff happened to me while I was gone that I'd rather not go into. As a result, I know the feeling of depression. Of it just crushing you and you feeling that there's no escape, that you'll never get ou- get _better."_

You were silent for a second, processing what he had just told you.

"I'm sorry," you said. "I have no right to act like this or feel this way. I'm just being selfish and-"

"No, you're not. You have every right to feel like this. You have every right to express your anger and sadness, but, can you do me a favor, _____?"

"Depends on what it is…" you said cautiously.

"Please try not to hurt yourself anymore. I know that it can be hard to stop self-harming once you start, but I just want you to be safe. Neither Hide nor I could live with ourselves if something happened to you. So, can you do that for me? All I ask is that you try. And I really do know how hard it can be," Kaneki said, rolling up his sleeve to reveal his wrist and forearm. Your eyes widened as you saw the old scars that crisscrossed his pale skin.

"…Okay…" you said half-heartedly.

He gave a small smile.

"Thank you, _____."

You yawned, and Kaneki realized just how tired you must be. He pulled back the covers and eased you into a lying position, covering you with the blankets.

You fell asleep to the sound of Kaneki throwing away the bloody tissues and the _clink_ of your blade hitting the nightstand.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if anyone seems out of character. I wasn't quite sure how to write some parts, but I did my best. I also apologize if there are any typos or plot holes within the story itself.

 

You woke up slowly, cracking your eyes open bit by bit. Bringing your hand up to wipe the sleep from your eyes, you noticed that your wrists and forearms were bandaged.

_That's weird… I don't remember doing that._

You didn't think much of it as you got out of bed and made your way to the bathroom, still groggy and moving like a sloth.

_The tissues are gone, too,_ you noted absently.

You did as much of your morning routine that you had the energy to do. Mainly, you just brushed your teeth, put some deodorant on, ran a brush through your hair, and splashed some cold water on your face to try to wake yourself up.

You sighed and exited the bathroom. Not noticing the broken lock and top hinge on the door, you made your way to the kitchen. The events from last night had slipped your mind.

You were rubbing your eyes on the way in, vaguely registering that you smelled coffee; you didn't notice Kaneki sitting at your kitchen table, a steaming mug of the stuff in his hand.

"Good morning, _____."

You screamed. He was the last person you were expecting to see in your kitchen at 10:00 AM on a Sunday morning.

He didn't look up from his coffee or even flinch; it was almost as if he had been expecting a reaction like that.

"JESUS _CHRIST,_ KANEKI! You scared me! What the hell are you even _doing_ here?! I got Hide's voicemail saying that you were back, but I never thought you'd just _show up._ I mean, it's good to see you, but what the hell?!"

You refrained from asking him where he had been and what happened to him, knowing that you, yourself hated being asked those questions on the rare occasion that you showed up to class. You also didn't comment on his appearance. You had a feeling that that was a stone better left unturned.

He set his coffee down and turned to face you.

"It's good to see you too, and I'm sorry for just 'showing up', but it's probably a good thing I did."

You looked at him with a puzzled expression.

"Wh-"

"Are you hungry? I can cook, if you like. There's coffee, too."

"Last name, Sherlock. First name, No Shit. I can see that there's coffee, Kaneki," you said sarcastically. You decided not to mention that you don't eat breakfast—or lunch.

He let out a small laugh. He had missed your sassiness and quick comebacks. You and Hide would always go on back and forth like that, each one-upping the other until someone ran out of ideas.

"What's so funny?"

"Hm? Oh, nothing. I've just missed you and your antics, is all," he said, smiling softly.

You smiled back.

"I've missed you too, Kaneki."

You walked over to the coffeemaker, finding that Kaneki had set out a mug for you. You poured yourself a cup and sat down beside him. He had taken a seat on the end, while you took a seat on the side, right beside the end.

The two of you sat in comfortable silence, each taking an occasional sip of coffee and just enjoying the other's company. Eventually, Kaneki broke the silence—he wanted to see if you would be honest with him since you didn't appear to remember last night.

"May I ask you a question, _____?"

"Um, sure? Knock yourself out, I guess."

"How have you been feeling?" he asked, watching you critically. He didn't fail to notice how you almost imperceptibly froze, your eyes temporarily widening slightly.

"Oh, you know. The usual."

"Define, 'the usual.'"

"Um, just. The usual. Like, before you left when you, Hide, and I would always hang out."

"Would 'happy' be the word that you're looking for?"

"Yeah, I guess…" you mumbled, bringing the mug up to your lips for another sip of coffee and looking off to the side.

"Really? Because last night begs to differ, _____," Kaneki said, holding up your cutting blade, the corners covered in dried blood. Your eyes went wide and you couldn't help it, you spat out your coffee in surprise, but not before you almost choked on it as the memories from last night came flooding back.

"WHAT?!" you shrieked. "HOW DID YOU GET THAT? GIVE IT BACK!"

He set down his coffee and stood up, dodging your attempt to snatch it from his hand. He held it high above his head with one arm. There was no way you could reach it. Kaneki had always been taller and you had always been a bit on the short side, but you jumped anyway, trying to reach the only thing that brought you relief, the only thing that was keeping you _alive._

After a few unsuccessful jumps, you gave up and sat down heavily on the kitchen chair you had been sitting in. Burying your face in your hands, you couldn't help it: you started to cry.

"K-Kaneki, please… I n- I need that!"

"Do you remember the favor I asked of you?"

You brought your hands down into your lap, your shoulders shaking.

"Y-Yes, but-"

"Do you intend to actually _try_ , or were you just _saying_ that so you could get this back?"

You looked away.

"I'll take that as an, 'I was just saying that.'"

You suddenly had another idea—one that might actually work.

"I'm going to go take a shower," you said, very calm.

Kaneki appeared confused by your sudden change in behavior for a moment, but narrowed his uncovered eye at you with a calculating look. You met his gaze defiantly.

"Alright," he said carefully.

_He probably knows that I'm up to something, but it's worth a shot._

You stood up and calmly made your way to the bathroom.

_Too calmly,_ Kaneki thought.

He listened intently, only hearing the shower starting and the water running at first. He didn't let his guard down, though. He knew you were going to try _something._

He decided to give you a chance, despite his better judgement.

Meanwhile, with the shower running, you took off your hoodie. You stood there in front of the mirror in your tanktop, looking at yourself in disgust.

_I won't have to be disgusted much longer,_ you thought.

You grabbed one of your razors and took out the blade. It was tiny, but it would do. You took several deep breaths to calm your shaking hands and tore the bandages off of your arms.

You positioned the blade vertically against your skin and cut quickly down your arm; just because you wanted to die didn't mean that you were willing to endure the slicing feeling for long. Blood began to flow steadily out of your arm. You repeated the action on your other arm with the same result.

After a few minutes of flowing blood, just when you had gathered the courage to start on your thigh, you began to lose consciousness. _Shit,_ you thought as the floor came rushing up to meet your face.

**_CRASH!_ **

Kaneki shot up from his chair in the kitchen and ran towards the bathroom. He called your name and knocked loudly—no answer.

"_____?!" he yelled, knocking loudly again.

Still no answer.

He wrenched open the door—luckily for him, you had forgotten to lock it.

He quickly took in the sight in front of him: you were lying face-down on the bathroom floor in a steadily growing pool of blood.

"Shit! God dammit, _____!" he cursed under his breath as he grabbed a towel from the rack. He flipped you over so you were face up and put your head in his lap as he tore the towel in half. Wrapping the pieces of towel as tightly as he safely could around each of your forearms, he pulled out his cellphone and called Hide. He picked up on the first ring.

_"Kaneki, hey! How'd it go with _____?"_

"Hide! I need you to call an ambulance. It turns out _____ wasn't doing better, after all."

Hearing Kaneki's tone, Hide knew it was serious.

_"Got it. I'll call and be over in a few."_

Hide didn't waste time waiting for an answer. He hung up and called the hospital, giving them your address and informing them that you'd tried to kill yourself.

Again.

* * *

Slowly opening your eyes, you woke up to the sound of a heart rate monitor beeping steadily—a sound you knew well from your last (medical) hospital visit.

"Wh-Wha…?" you started to say, groggily looking at the ceiling. A blurry Kaneki immediately appeared in your line of vision.

"_____?! Are you awake?" he asked worriedly.

It took you a second to comprehend what he said, blinking hard to try to clear the sleep from your eyes and wake up some more.

"Wh… Y-Yeah… I think," you said tiredly. Kaneki turned to someone behind him.

"Hide! Hide, _____'s awake!"

"…Hm? Wait, what?! Really?!" It sounded like Hide had been asleep, too—though he was wide awake, now. He came into sight behind Kaneki.

_Why is… Hide… here?_ you thought, your vision gradually clearing _. Why… am_ I _here…?_ You wracked your brain, trying to figure out what had happened.

_I remember… telling Kaneki that I was… going to take a shower. Then I-_

The memories hit you like a ton of bricks.

_Oh._

You were completely awake, now—and terrified of the consequences of your actions. What was going to happen, now? Surely you'd be locked up in the looney bin for good, this time.

Kaneki heard the heart rate monitor speed up significantly and saw your terrified expression. He took a guess as to what was going through your head.

"Hey, hey! _____, it's okay," he said as tears started to flow down your face. You squeezed your eyes shut, beginning to cry hard.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry! I… I shouldn't h-have- I o-o-overreacted! I-"

Hide spoke this time.

"_____! Don't worry! It's in the past now, what matters is that you're okay. We were worried, but we know you're alright, now! So please don't worry about it, okay?"

You nodded, but squeezed your eyes shut and kept crying. As silent tears leaked from your eyes, you felt gentle fingers wipe them away. Opening your eyes, you saw Kaneki looking at you with worry.

"It really is okay, _____. It's going to be okay—I promise."

You looked away.

"W-What happens, now…?" you asked tentatively. Kaneki sighed, and you braced yourself for the worst.

"They're going to hospitalize you again, _____."

You squeezed your eyes shut, bringing forth more tears as your heart crumbled. Hide saw this, and knew he had to reassure you somehow.

"But do you know what the bright side is, _____?" he asked.

You couldn't bring yourself to ask what it was, because there couldn't possibly be one. . .right?

Hide seemed to sense that you weren't going to say anything, so he continued, anyway.

"You're super strong and super smart and you're gonna get out of there real quick because of that! You can do this, _____!" Hide paused. "You just have to promise us _one_ thing."

"What do I have to promise…?" you asked weakly, finally making eye contact.

"You have to _try,_ this time. No faking your way out!"

You hesitated.

"For us?" Hide asked. He looked at Kaneki, who took the hint.

"For us?" he asked.

Smiling weakly, you agreed.

"Pinky promise?" asked Hide, holding out his little finger.

You rolled your eyes, but it was in good humor.

"Pinky promise," you said, hooking your pinky in his. "But you have to promise me something in return."

"And what would that be?" Hide asked curiously.

"We all have to stick together. We'll all be there for each other, to support each other, and to help each other—friends forever," you said.

He scoffed, removing his pinky from yours, and your heart sank.

"We don't have to promise that-" he said. But before you had a chance to react, he continued. "-because we _already_ promised that! Back in grade school, remember? We're _already_ friends forever! We'll always stick together, and we'll always be there to help and support each other." He put his hand on his chin, feigning thought. "But I guess it never hurts to renew a promise," he added, smiling brightly and extending his pinky again. "Friends forever!"

You smiled back. A genuine, happy smile. These two always knew exactly what to say to make you feel better. The two of you shook pinky fingers again.

"Hey, don't leave me out of this!" Kaneki said, placing his pinky finger in-between yours and Hide's.

You all looked at each other, a silent promise to make sure that you would all stick together present in the glance.

"Friends forever!" you all said in unison.

* * *

Three months later, you stepped out of the hospital, belongings in hand. Feeling the fresh air was an immense relief after so much time indoors—you couldn't help but smile.

You started to walk towards the parking lot, pulling out your cellphone to call Hide for a ride. Suddenly hearing footsteps quickly approaching you from behind, you turned around just in time for the blonde himself to come skidding to a stop a few feet in front of you.

"_____, you ruined the surprise!" he whined.

"No, your as-loud-as-a-gunshot footsteps ruined the surprise," you said teasingly. "It hasn't been a surprise since the first time you jumped onto my back from behind in grade school."

Hide feigned shock, pretending to not know what you were talking about.

"Wha- Really?! No way! I'm the quietest, most soft-stepped person there ever was!"

"Mm, I think Kaneki has you beat on that one."

Hide took on a comically hurt expression.

"_____! Why you _ever_ say that?!"

* * *

Kaneki was mindlessly drying a glass behind the counter of Anteiku. It had been a slow day—not many customers came in at all. He glanced over at the table by the door that Hide was sitting at.

_"Hide? What are you doing here—don't you have classes today?" Kaneki had asked him as he walked in the door of the café, the bell jingling._

_"Eh, I was feeling a little under the weather, if ya know what I mean," Hide replied with a wink, sitting down at a table. Kaneki rolled his eyes._

_"But why today?"_

_"If I told you, that would ruin the surprise, now wouldn't it?"_

_"I should have guessed that it would be a 'surprise,'" Kaneki mumbled to himself, sighing deeply._

And then Hide had ordered a cappuccino, taken a spot with a good view of the door, and proceeded to stare intently at it for the next hour and a half.

"Hide, just _who_ are you waiting for?!"

"Can't tell y-"

The bell on the door jingled again, cutting Hide off. Kaneki prepared to greet another nameless face, but was stunned into silence when you walked through the door. It took him a second or two to process what was happening and what it meant, but Hide leapt out of his seat (quite literally) to hug you.

"_____! You made it!" he said, grinning.

"Hide, calm down!" you said, lightly patting his back with your hand that wasn't being crushed next to your side. "You just saw me yesterday!"

"But I never gave you your 'congratulations' hug!" he whined, letting go.

He didn't mind that you hadn't hugged him back—he knew you were never really one that enjoyed physical contact. Taking a breath, you opened your mouth to make some sort of smart remark to Hide, but in the blink of an eye (again, quite literally), Kaneki wasn't behind the counter, but was instead enveloping you in a crushing hug ( _really_ quite literally).

"Kaneki," you wheezed. "Air is a thing I need!"

The half-ghoul quickly released you.

"Sorry! I forgot my own strength," he said, sheepishly scratching the back of his head.

"Don't worry about it," you said, reassuring him.

"When did you get out?" he asked suddenly. "You said that you'd seen Hide just yesterday—when did you get out?"

"A few days ago," you replied.

"And neither of you told me?!"

"Well, that was the surprise!" Hide chimed in.

Before Kaneki had a chance to say anything else, you held up the brown paper bag you had brought with you.

"I have something for you guys!" you said, grinning widely,

"Oh?" Kaneki said, looking at you curiously.

"Seriously?!" asked Hide, looking at you excitedly. "Well, what are you waiting for?"

_Two types of people,_ you thought to yourself.

Reaching into the bag, you pulled out three necklaces. Each one had a small, polished sphere of lapis lazuli, one hanging from a simple silver chain, one from a simple gold chain, and one from a chain anodized with ruby-colored paint. Handing the gold one to Hide and the silver one to Kaneki, you explained.

"Friendship necklaces," you said. "I wanted something besides those cheesy, two dollar, half-and-half heart necklaces, so I did some research. The gemstone is lapis lazuli. It symbolizes friendship and emotional strength, and I thought that that was very fitting for each of us—in our own ways _and_ as a whole."

"Wow," Hide said, seemingly mesmerized by the blue gemstone. He put his on his necklace, as did you. Kaneki had remained strangely silent. He held the necklace in his hand, not taking his eyes off of it. But before you could tell him that he didn't have to wear it if he didn't want to, you were drawn into another hug, though gentler this time.

"Thank you, _____," he said. "Friendship and emotional strength. . .that _is_ fitting for us, isn't it?"

Kaneki let you out of the hug. You all smiled at each other, and you knew that you would never be left out again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoo boy, this sure turned out longer than expected. I don't think that's a bad thing, though.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this story!


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